independence

I like to think that I am independent.
I do my own laundry, I study when I need to, and I only hit the snooze button once.
But lately, I feel like I'm really not being the grown up that I need to be.
I'm turning 19 on tuesday. I can't even believe it myself. I am in my second year of Bible College and I don't know where my life is going. I don't know where I will be next year. I don't even know what I will be doing next summer. Maybe I just suck at listening to God. But it has been so frustrating to me that no matter how I talk to God, I just am not getting any answers. So, I guess I'm just going to roll with the punches and wait it out until I hear something.
I think half my my problem is that I am too involved with things that are distracting me and taking my attention away from God. I can't think of a more classy way to say this, other than... People really are the worst.
I've come to the realization (I really should have come to this conclusion like, 3 years ago) that I do NOT need someone, or anyone, in my life that steals my attention away from God. I spend so much time wrapped up in people in general. I am about as extrovert as they come. However over the past two weeks, I have felt emotionally drained because of this. Mostly I guess this is directed at boys, but also at everyone. It's my own selfish human fault for wanting attention. It's the orange extrovert personality in me that loves having people there. I get involved. I get my heart so set on this new relationship or friendship that I forget what my life is really about. I get caught up in the "cute" stuff, the texts and the time together and the chats and everything that comes with the start of commitment. I lose myself completely at the point of fret and worry. It is at this point that I become skeptical, begin to regret the silly things I've said, and what I've let my heart and mouth do and say. I'm the kind of person that will be so imaginative, that I create some sort of track in my head of how I want my life to be. Where I want relationships to go. Where I want to go next.
But this is not how life should be.
I do not need a boy there to call me pretty and to keep me waiting. I don't need drama in my life to keep me worried or falling back onto other people.
What I need is to live my life. Like I said, I am barely 19 years old. I have time. Time to get through college, get a job, date, get married, and live. But all the time I have is God's time. He is the one that I should be focused on. I need to place the eyes of my heard solely on Him and pursue his plan for me, and only that.
It is the extrovert in me that keeps people in my life. But right now, all I need is God. I don't need relationships, drama, or anything distracting to me. I need support and I need to just pray. I need to keep going. I need to just try my hardest to be the best follower of Christ that I can be.
I'm not independent at all. I rely fully on Christ. This life isn't mine, this life is a living example of Christ. I rely fully on Him and the only way that I will be the best that I can be is if I live this life how He wants to. He needs to be proud and I also need to remember that whatever God has in store for me is what's best for me. Til then, no distractions.